Online/app dating is allegedly destroying romance and turning us all into chiller-than-thou cyborgs, but as a lady who is into ladies, here’s my review: It fucking rules.I’m on the femme-ish side of the presentation spectrum, where I tend to tragically blend in with the boring straight majority; in a pre-app dating world, the only surefire way I had of alerting someone to my gayness was recklessly flirting my way to a point of no return.
You will be an immediate object of interest to any straight cis man who has ever watched threesome porn.No matter who you are or what other things you say on your profile, you will get asked your opinions on a threesome and you will be asked to join him on his trip through fantasy land where he has to try to please two girls at the same time and can somehow accomplish it.There was the American with a teeny-tiny septum ring and a head of wild curls, gleeful over any chance she got to escape the apartment full of French children where she was au pairing; we sat along the Seine, drinking red wine from the bottle, commiserating about femme invisibility and disagreeing about Wes Anderson (my take: overrated).There was the Moroccan onetime rugby player, who rolled me cigarette after cigarette on a poorly lit street corner as we talked tackles and heartache in the dark. I came out of the closet at the end of 2013 and hadn’t dated anyone in my life until 2011. Since 2011, I’ve had several relationships, gone on a lot of dates, and consider myself something of an experienced serial monogamist.
But I’ve found it incredibly hard to crack the queer girl dating code as a bisexual woman. She was likewise bisexual and confessed to me all about her previous marriage to a man and how it broke up because he couldn’t handle her bisexuality.On dating websites and on Tinder, I only really identify as bisexual or queer if I’m asked about it directly.I stopped putting in on any profile (except where it is required).But with dating apps — whether big players like Tinder or Hinge, or queer women-oriented minors like Her — there in front of you are all the female-identified people who are also looking for female-identified people, brought forth conveniently from the roar of the wild to the quiet simplicity of your screen.No furiously whisper-guessing about someone’s sexuality with your wing-women; no accidentally falling for not-even-questioning-a-little-bit straight girls, as were the hallmarks of our pre-digital youths. But with the powers of Tinder and Ok Cupid, I found women to have adventures with.You are now their experiment for a bi-curious phase or someone they resent because you can date All The People, even if you’re only dating One of The People.